Leaders Who Don't Grow: and growing people who won't lead

A thought that crossed my mind sometime during and after my morning prayer was whether leadership and personal development operate in tandem or is it possible for someone to be in the role of leading but they themselves are not personally growing? The truth is, personal development and the privilege of leading are separate tracks that many leaders don’t choose to integrate at our own peril. A dangerous assumption is one that believes that the act of leading others automatically incorporates personal growth.

According to Ken Blanchard, the author of Leading at a Higher Level as well as other titles, leadership is a journey that begins with self-leadership. We all know people who have a leadership position but are just bossy. They have limited development and limited ability and are good at directing others but have skipped the step of self-mastery. We also know people who spend a lot of time introspectively learning more about themselves, who are always in some state of personal meditation experiencing revelatory bliss but who seldom invest their time in pouring their insights into others.

Can I gently suggest that there is a continuum of leaders that range from selfish to selfless; navigating where we should operate on that spectrum may help us adjust our approach to become more effective. My contention is simple. People who indulge in personal growth but are rarely intentional about pouring into others what they are discovering are selfish, period. That’s one extreme. On the other end of the spectrum, some are too busy leading to spend time on their own personal growth journey, which is a version of selflessness but ultimately ineffective for them personally and for those they lead corporately. Depending on where you fall on the continuum from selfish to selfless, you may need to make some adjustments of balance.

Jesus explained this principle expertly. A good selfish leader checks for the beam in their own eye first, then becomes selfless in helping others get the splinters our their eyes (Matt. 7:3-5). So, what am I saying? While we are embracing the opportunity to lead, we must learn when it is necessary to focus on ourselves and balance that with when it is time to pour into others. Our personal effectiveness and impact on others depend on it!

A Conversation about Clothes

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?

Matt. 6:30

Looking raggedy is not really ideal for me, how about you? I have really come full circle with the fashion issue. Growing up I was like a lot of us, trying to impress folk with how many polo, izod, and name-brand jeans I could wear to school. When I graduated from High school I would have won the best-dressed award had not the mostly white year book staff not decided to be funny and awarded it to the school punk-rocker (that's another blog for another time). Matriculating through higher education brought about an evolution in my thinking and several phases about clothes. I have gone from being preoccupied with clothing to - not caring about clothes to - my current place of consciousness. How can we use our fashion choices to be a way to express who we are on the inside rather than becoming slaves to the outer appearance and empty (and BROKE) on the inside?

In the midst of what we do and how we gather for our conventions, we tend to make everybody else rich but ourselves. Even though we lag in earnings we are highly competitive with other ethnic groups when it comes to spending. According to CNBC in 2022 Black spending power reached a record $1.6 Trillion, however that was coupled with a drop in Black net worth by 14%. It would be interesting if someone did a study on the buying habits of church-going African-Americans. For all of the financial strapped conversations we have in the Black Church, our spending habits are very curious. Before we go away to our conferences, Convocations, and conventions, there are usually some shopping trips involved. We spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on clothes (Dresses, bags, suits, ties, and especially shoes). As I stated in the beginning, I'm not mad at it. But I do have to ask the question. What would happen if we fasted from all s2hopping before our next "Spirit-filled Extravaganza" and said to the people not to spend a dime on any clothes or accessories. Instead, bring the $500 - $1,000 you would have spent on clothes to the meeting so that instead of just paying the bills, we can actually impact the world. What if?

E. Franklin Frazier in his famous book, "The Black Bourgeoisie", accused the Church of being one of the main culprits of Black folks financial mismanagement. He called it conspicuous consumption. In his critical evaluation of the black middle class and some of its notoriously strange behaviors, Frazier was unflattering of the cultural elite. With debutante balls, fraternities, and displays of conspicuous consumption, he wrote, the black middle class was living in what he called "a world of make-believe," emulating a white culture that would not open its doors to them. We use clothes to make us feel good about ourselves. Sometimes we use clothes like Adam used the fig leaves when he sinned; to cover what was missing on the inside. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves are we dressing to accentuate who we are OR are we dressing to hide what we're not?

I conclude with the thought that I started out with. My fashion journey has been interesting. I have gone from being consumed with having the most expensive clothes (when I was spending my parents money) to getting joy out of how to find the discounts and creative ways to dress and express who I am on the inside. The issue is not that clothes don't matter. The question is WHY do clothes matter? I have come to decide that clothes matter because it demonstrates that my God will take care of me. I'm not going to go bankrupt though, trying to impress folk who are empty inside. If I'm going to invest my resources in anything, it's going to be in the Kingdom of God and I know he will make a way for me to look like I'm taken care of. Don't dress to impress but rather dress to express how good and creative God is!

Leadership and Loneliness

There is a saying, "It's lonely at the top". The question is, does it have to be? For our own healthiness, it may be important to figure out how much of this situation of loneliness is self-imposed, how much is the reality of spiritual warfare that is meant to attack the whole group, and what portion is reinforced through Church culture.

The fact that God said it was not good for Adam to be alone should be enough to let us know that loneliness is not an expectation of leadership. A significant amount of loneliness is self-imposed. From the time of Adam and Eve, through the ministry of Moses and the elders (Ex. 18:19-22), to the ministry of the Apostles in the book of Acts, team ministry has always been the antidote and safeguard from loneliness. Many of us as leaders do not want to admit that being a hero is much more appealing than being a part of a team. What I have learned about myself after 26+ years in pastoral ministry is that isolation wasn't just my plight, at times it was my preference. I can now see how innately, the desire for isolation stems from a false sense of safety. If you have ever been appointed and applauded as a leader, then maybe you can relate to a suspicion that you might not measure up if people got too close to you.

Some of Jesus’ final days of earthly ministry are captured in Matthew 26:31-44 and there is a lot that this reveals about Christ, the Church, and leadership in general. Though Jesus’ ministry is what many Servant Leadership theorists draw upon, it is important to remember that his mission was transformational. For many during Jesus’ time, it was inspirational. Some of the existing literature suggests a lot of enthusiasm as leaders take the helm of organizations is coupled with hidden concerns. Just as it might have been in Jesus’ day, it seems that beneath all of the optimism of change and transformation, in the mind of many leaders rests a fear of betrayal. Let me go a step further, while it is easy for us to pinpoint betrayal (Judas), we often dismiss the more common occurrence of desertion. In v.31, Jesus says ALL of his followers will be offended in him as he quotes the prophet Zecheriah saying, "I will smite the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock shall be scattered abroad." The disciples, all of them, distanced themselves from Jesus at his most needy time. There is a lot in that pericope that could be unraveled but suffice it to say that there are a number of dynamics that result in leaders ultimately finding themselves alone, whether by choice or by diabolical plot.

One more area to acknowledge is the responsibility that Church culture plays in the loneliness of leadership. So, maybe I'm just sleepy but I'm going to wind this down by using one word; hierarchy. I'm not suggesting that there is something wrong with Biblical, functional offices and gifts of leadership and administration. I'm simply saying that the over concentration, striving, and almost worship of these offices is out of control. I say that without any verifiable documentation...as they say in sports analysis, nothing but the eyeball test. However, even a novice can see that the spirit of what we see in the Church is eerily similar to corporate culture. While the number of Christian leaders who have committed suicide in this kind of environment is staggering, what may be even more alarming is the untold numbers of those who have secretly considered taking their own life. In my humble opinion, the way our Church culture (especially in a Black context) is so hierarchy conscious is sad. It is the combination of the structural reality, a cultural influence, and personal insecurities that makes hierarchy a real problem. It is a problem that is driving leaders into a place of isolation, competition, and straight-up unhealthiness.

At the beginning, I asked the question whether it has to be lonely at the top? My answer is yes it has to be lonely at the top because the term "top" being used to frame human relationships is a very dominating perspective and using it in reference to the Church is erroneous. The entire church is the body, with Christ alone, who washed the disciples’ feet, being the head. Feeling lonely at the top should indicate that we are somewhere we don't belong. ijs.