Leadership and Loneliness

There is a saying, "It's lonely at the top". The question is, does it have to be? For our own healthiness, it may be important to figure out how much of this situation of loneliness is self-imposed, how much is the reality of spiritual warfare that is meant to attack the whole group, and what portion is reinforced through Church culture.

The fact that God said it was not good for Adam to be alone should be enough to let us know that loneliness is not an expectation of leadership. A significant amount of loneliness is self-imposed. From the time of Adam and Eve, through the ministry of Moses and the elders (Ex. 18:19-22), to the ministry of the Apostles in the book of Acts, team ministry has always been the antidote and safeguard from loneliness. Many of us as leaders do not want to admit that being a hero is much more appealing than being a part of a team. What I have learned about myself after 26+ years in pastoral ministry is that isolation wasn't just my plight, at times it was my preference. I can now see how innately, the desire for isolation stems from a false sense of safety. If you have ever been appointed and applauded as a leader, then maybe you can relate to a suspicion that you might not measure up if people got too close to you.

Some of Jesus’ final days of earthly ministry are captured in Matthew 26:31-44 and there is a lot that this reveals about Christ, the Church, and leadership in general. Though Jesus’ ministry is what many Servant Leadership theorists draw upon, it is important to remember that his mission was transformational. For many during Jesus’ time, it was inspirational. Some of the existing literature suggests a lot of enthusiasm as leaders take the helm of organizations is coupled with hidden concerns. Just as it might have been in Jesus’ day, it seems that beneath all of the optimism of change and transformation, in the mind of many leaders rests a fear of betrayal. Let me go a step further, while it is easy for us to pinpoint betrayal (Judas), we often dismiss the more common occurrence of desertion. In v.31, Jesus says ALL of his followers will be offended in him as he quotes the prophet Zecheriah saying, "I will smite the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock shall be scattered abroad." The disciples, all of them, distanced themselves from Jesus at his most needy time. There is a lot in that pericope that could be unraveled but suffice it to say that there are a number of dynamics that result in leaders ultimately finding themselves alone, whether by choice or by diabolical plot.

One more area to acknowledge is the responsibility that Church culture plays in the loneliness of leadership. So, maybe I'm just sleepy but I'm going to wind this down by using one word; hierarchy. I'm not suggesting that there is something wrong with Biblical, functional offices and gifts of leadership and administration. I'm simply saying that the over concentration, striving, and almost worship of these offices is out of control. I say that without any verifiable documentation...as they say in sports analysis, nothing but the eyeball test. However, even a novice can see that the spirit of what we see in the Church is eerily similar to corporate culture. While the number of Christian leaders who have committed suicide in this kind of environment is staggering, what may be even more alarming is the untold numbers of those who have secretly considered taking their own life. In my humble opinion, the way our Church culture (especially in a Black context) is so hierarchy conscious is sad. It is the combination of the structural reality, a cultural influence, and personal insecurities that makes hierarchy a real problem. It is a problem that is driving leaders into a place of isolation, competition, and straight-up unhealthiness.

At the beginning, I asked the question whether it has to be lonely at the top? My answer is yes it has to be lonely at the top because the term "top" being used to frame human relationships is a very dominating perspective and using it in reference to the Church is erroneous. The entire church is the body, with Christ alone, who washed the disciples’ feet, being the head. Feeling lonely at the top should indicate that we are somewhere we don't belong. ijs.